13 Things I Hate About Your Website

1. Don’t make me register just to look around.

I may be a visitor, but what gives you the right to demand a visa to your little country in cyberspace?

2. Don’t ask if you can tweet on my behalf.

I just want to post a comment on your blog. And now you want to pretend to be me? No way! As Julia Roberts put it in “Pretty Woman”:  “I say who… I say when… I say who…” 

3. Don’t make me dismiss pop-ups on every page.

Hello!!!!! It’s the year 2013.  First, you get along, then you go long.

4. Don’t keep opening hours.

Dude, if you are online, you’d better be available when I am trying to reach you from Kundiawa, Papua New Guinea. Today, 24/7 is the norm, so 8/5 just doesn’t cut it.

5. Don’t assume I know all about your company.

Fun fact – when applying for a job, you are asked to provide a resume. Why do you think that is? So, put something on your home page that lets me know I’ve come to the right place.

6. Don’t make me scroll to get to the main page content.

Yo, I am on a tight schedule here – the wife is screaming “Take the garbage out”, my boss wants that slide reworked (like now,) and on top of that, I have to fill out a stupid tax declaration form. Give me the content and get rid of the eye-candy and stock photos at the top of the page!

7. Don’t use technologies my device doesn’t support.

Be sure that your design is responsive. If you want me to use and to consume your content, browse through your website, or enjoy your app, straighten things up on your end ‘cause I won’t do it for you. Oh, and Flash is a no-go for those on Apple touch devices (just a reminder).

8. Don’t ask me for more that you need to ship my order.

Asking me for my mother’s maiden name or my favourite pet should work only for safe passage through the doors of the Forgot-My-Password vault. It is also common sense to give me the option with one click to pinpoint that my billing address is the same as the shipping one.

9. Don’t refresh the page with my halfway–filled form or shopping cart while I am getting my coffee.

There is this thing in Marketing called “Delayed conversion”… If you follow that same logic, you won’t get in the way of me taking a dose of my poison and… generate sales for you.

10. Don’t tell me you are the best there is.

Show me that you are. Ravish me. Yes, the same way you do on a first date. If you don’t believe me, just use this phrase “I am the best lay you can find.” Tell me if you get invited in for a drink.

11. Don’t ask me to download the app.

Great to know that you took the next step and aimed to create a tailor-made user experience for someone like me. But I am trying to quickly do something on my browser. If you seduce me, I might let you in on my iPad, Android or… 

12. Don’t associate me with my ex, my neighbour or the guy I hate at work.

There is a reason behind me not being a friend with someone. It is called CHOICE. You shoving my ex’ picture in my face with the line “people you might know”, chances are I’ll go all “Sure, I know her. Far too well, I might add. AND THIS IS WHY I DO NOT WANT HER ANY NEAR ME!!!”.

13. Don’t break or alter your promise.

You and I, we are in a relationship. You want me to trust and cherish you. You want me to love and hold on to you. Then why would you disrespect me? Why would you lie to me? Why would you change the rules of the game halfway through our relationship? 

The more the Internet is changing, the more things remain the same.

In a cold 2012 December night, yours truly got the idea of blogging about the things we all hate on a website. I tweeted asking my followers to share the things they hate the most about it. Some answered – like Bibiana Nunes (@bibinex), and Alberta Soranzo (@albertatrebla) did.  Thank you, ladies! The world needs to know how awesome you are.

My former professor at b-school and principal at FatDUX, Eric Reiss (@elreiss), went further and offered to co-create the above list with me, and we so we did it together. Thank you, Eric! Your guidance and knowledge are incomparable.

It took a while, but now we have a shortlist of things, almost everyone using the web hates.

Naturally, there is much more to be added to this list. But we will leave this for you to comment on, add to, or argue against a particular point’s existence. You are more than welcome to do so in the comments below!

Copyright © 2013 Borislav Kiprin. All Rights Reserved.